I’m an American, a Sacramentan, a curmudgeon, bug-a-boo, minimally invasive, banal, neat, staid, flummoxed, cocktoastin’, tall, effete, meaty, short, licentious, Pyrrhonian, buttocked, askance, live, overt, covert, stain-resistant, lost, dumb, reality-based, nonporous, kindly, septuagenarian meddling teenager.