From: Business Services, Helpdesk
Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2011 3:50 PM
To: [gov’t office] -All Users
Subject: Building Restroom Cleaning

Good morning,

Business Services has received a number of complaints, from the Department of [redacted] housekeeping staff, concerning *** staff’s disregard for the closed sign during restroom cleaning (various floors).  If the closed sign is up and housekeeping verbally requests that you find another restroom, please, go to another floor to use the facilities.  It is disrespectful and discourteous to bypass the sign and use the facilities while they’re in the process of cleaning. 

If you have any questions, please contact the Business Services Help Desk at xxx-3100.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation!

Business Services

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insulting someone’s intelligence right off the bat, whether playfully-intentioned or not, is neither coy nor funny; it’s a turn-off. just fyi. while i agree that “humor is subjective” (and i think actually i have a pretty good sense of humor), but you might want to make sure any future attempts have a bit more universal appeal.

also: no matter how engaging your “opener” is, it means crap if the other person is simply not attracted to you. you could use any one of those generic, lame opening lines, and if a girl found you attractive, she’d reply. i hate to sound shallow, but those are the basic rules of attraction.

also: admitting to reading those cheesy internet dating how-tos? kind of pathetic.

San Francisco 13, Cincinnati 8

My schedule had unexpectedly cleared itself for Sunday morning, so I was excited to get a chance to sit down and watch some real visceral Sunday NFL action, which had been saturation-advertised for the near-year-long “lockout”. What I got instead was this clinker, which seemed to resemble something that would have resulted had I not only drawn up and called the plays, but handled the ball as well.

Apparently the 49ers wound up with more points than whoever the other team was, such that the sole motivation for following the team — the prospect of a dream 1-15 season — has now evaporated. As for the NFL as a whole, the league continues to consistently fail to deliver what it advertises, and further cements its place as the greatest bamboozle in the history of American entertainment commerce.

Niners quarterback Alex Smith, as well as tight end Vernon Davis, reportedly played in the game.

I don’t recognize a Dodgers-Giants “rivalry”. The last time both teams were concurrent contenders was the 1950s and maybe the early ’60s. In my lifetime, the Dodgers have had runs of success in the late ’70 and early ’80s — times when the Giants sucked out loud. The ’90s featured the “Brian Johnson Game”, but the teams of the ’90s were the Yankees and the Braves. The Dodgers’ last playoff appearance was in 2008 (2009?) another year when the Giants were horrible.

L.A. is Laker Town, and the Dodgers stopped being a relevant franchise even before the current owners bankrupted it. As far as the Giants go, given their bizarre predilection to tank against crap teams, look to Giants-Nats if you want to see a rivalry.

One of the most unpleasant things about my stints at in-patient rehab places was knowing that I was highly unlikely to get any actual medical care should I wind up needing it.  Actually, I thought that under any other circumstances I would certainly see a doctor to find out whether the abdominal aches were symptomatic of liver or some other organ damage, and why my feet now felt sort of numb all the time.  But I dared not say a word, lest I incur the wrath of the vindictive, embittered sober miracles on staff at such places, who seemed to be salivating for me to accrue enough write-ups such that I could be “excused” (e.g., kicked out) or the program.

I spent 10 days in a “detox facility”, which was a rented 3-bedroom house in residential tract in one of the more run-down suburbs around here, staffed by a couple of tweakers who had glommed onto sustenance jobs in “the industry”.  My first night there, I started to have withdrawal seizures, to which staff and other residents reacted with equal parts annoyance and bewilderment.  Finally, someone called 911, much as someone might have had they found me unconscious in the bathroom at a house party.  An ambulance came and got me and took me to a hospital about 10 minutes away, where I stayed overnight.  In the morning a staffer from the detox place came and picked me up and brought me back to the facility.

A couple months later, I received a bill for around $3000 for the ambulance ride and the hospital stay.

Interestingly, about a week after the trip to the hospital, when such time was approaching that I would transfer from the detox place to another in-patient place, I was taken to some county-run clinic where I was given a test for tuberculosis.  However, I got the sense that this was part of the established routine there, and not looked upon as an inconvenience or aberration.